If my life was sex, after all the excitement in the previous months, this should have been the plateau phase. Only, I probably would have never orgasmed, even if it was.
Snakes and Ladders
It was around September, a few days after our Baguio trip, when I finally decided it was time to go back to Negros. By this time, I have already passed the board exam, and I had to go to Iloilo to process my license, anyway. I thought maybe my life was in Negros, after all. Maybe I was searching for what I really wanted in all the wrong places. It was time to say goodbye to the fun, carefree life, and start pondering on the more realistic stuff.
"It was like a game of snakes and ladders -- I got to the tallest ladder, climb up, moved on a few squares only to land on a snake's mouth taking me back where I started."
I packed my bags not knowing what awaited me in the direction my decisions would take me, and I got on the plane wishing I'd see God's answers to my questions in the clouds. When we landed, it felt like being back to square one. It was like a game of snakes and ladders -- I got to the tallest ladder, climb up, moved on a few squares only to land on a snake's mouth taking me back where I started. But the game wasn't over until I reached the finish line. No matter where I landed, I just had to roll my dice, and start moving forward again.
One Step At A Time
If everything was up to me, I would take long strides to anywhere. I have a habit of not taking things slow, because I hate having to wait. It's not that I would take shortcuts, but I would rather run than walk towards my destination. I really needed to learn how to take one step at a time. It was a difficult lesson to learn, because I kept losing patience in waiting for something to happen after every step I took, but it must be done.
While waiting for my Nurse License, a part of myself was nagging me to try my luck in a call center again, and another part of me was reminding me to stay still. I sat down, I waited, and I contemplated. I grew depressed. And right when I was about to break the pace, and set out to look for a new job, my mom had to have a major operation in November 2010.
An excerpt from one of my Livejournal entries:
"I could have just accepted that call center job last July and worked for a few months until I get my Nurse License, but I did not for reasons I have already stated in one of my previous blogs. I could have easily applied as a volunteer nurse at La Castellana Health Center the moment I came back from Manila, but no, I didn't do that either. I could have looked for a job, but why am I still unemployed when all of my friends/classmates already have their own jobs? I'm afraid I would sound too defensive answering my own question, but I have to because my being unemployed is shattering my self-esteem.
....my mom is having a major operation on Nov. 8, 2010, and I couldn't leave her alone seeing that I am the only one who could possibly look after her in the hospital, which would not be so possible anymore if I decided to work. " (11/05/2010)I was in a difficult situation, but priorities needed to be set straight. I needed to be there for my mom. The rest can wait.
Nurse In Training
Not unknown to many, I come from a broken family. Since I was 16, it had always been just my mom, my brother, and me. And because my brother was in Manila that time, when mama was in the hospital, I would have been the only one looking after her if not for my aunt who had come over. When she was discharged, I was left to do all the post-op care at home.
What happened was a blessing in disguise. I was able to stay close to my mom whom I have never stayed close to for the past 16 years or so. For the most part of my life, I was away from her, because she had to work, while I had to go to school some place else. Also, I was able to practice my nursing skills. It was like hitting two birds with one stone.
In a way this part of my life has taught me how to be patient, and that things really happen for a reason. I couldn't have taken control of the turn of events, and they may not have been what I wanted or intended to happen, but they have proven to be necessary for what was about to come. I consider this the interim period in my life--an interval between getting lost and finding myself; a period of adjustment, and preparing myself for what lay ahead.
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